What You Focus On Expands: How to Let Go of Feeling Unworthy
UNWORTHINESS AND FEELING NOT GOOD ENOUGH
Do you ever feel unworthy and like you don’t deserve success or happiness? It’s very common to experience these feelings in one or more domains of life. Over the years I have experienced this in multiple areas such as relationships, career, fitness, self-love, and I can tell you now, you can release this. What you focus on expands. Feeling like you aren’t good enough can be extremely debilitating, I’ve witnessed clients floored by not feeling good enough. Unworthiness rises up and they get stuck in inaction, instead of taking action. This doesn’t have to be you. You can bring awareness to your assessments and set yourself free from the unworthiness monster. Come back to the present and see what is actually unfolding in your life.
When I felt like I was not good enough, I chose to take my power back by focusing on what was actually working and take action because of my fears. You can make this choice too.
WHAT IS THE CORE WOUND?
Start by looking at the core wound, why do you feel like you are unworthy? What is the source of this? Really dig into this, I invite you to journal on this deep why and see what comes up for you. Maybe it is a fear of rejection or feelings of abandonment. Did someone leave you behind, and now you feel like everyone will leave you, and it subconsciously (or consciously) influences everything you do?
Once you’ve tapped into the origin of this wound that is making you feel like you aren’t good enough, you can bring awareness to your state of mind. How are you showing up because of this painful memory, the conditioning that is now fused into your nervous system? Are you constantly comparing yourself to others and feeling blatant resentment for them? Do you fall into victimhood and constantly complain and blame others for your current way of being? Get really clear on how you are showing up. The more honest you are with yourself the sooner you can release it.
What state of mind would you like to step into? Success, forgiveness, acceptance. Really feel into your current state of mind compared to this new state of mind. This is how you can let go of the limitations that are holding you back. Why don’t you feel good enough? How would you feel if you did feel good enough? What would worthiness look like? Journal and meditate on all of this and see what comes up for you.
WHAT YOU FOCUS ON EXPANDS
Today I was discussing this concept with a fellow life coach, and a dear friend of mine, Caitlin Winkley, and we hit on some major truths which can be really useful.
Focus on what is actually happening in your life rather than the assessments you are making about what could be.
This is crucial, and something I’ve seen challenges so many people. Let me break this down with an example. Have you ever dated someone and felt like you were not good enough to be with them? You find yourself worrying and creating assessments about them leaving you. Future tripping about potential outcomes that haven’t happened yet. Bring awareness to these assessments and put your fears aside. If you need help with this you can follow the grounding assessments process I use by downloading my Story Busting Cheat Sheet for free, right now.
MINE FOR GOLD
Once you have brought awareness to these assessments it is time to mine for gold. What is this? It’s looking for evidence that supports what is going well for you around this concern. Going back to your relationship. Evidence could be: your partner tells you he loves you, makes future plans with you, he calls and shows up when he says he will, and he always keeps his promises to you. Get really clear on all the elements that are working for you. This is evidence to support you feeling good enough.
Let’s look at another example, say in your business. Maybe you feel like you are not good enough to succeed as an entrepreneur, you feel like you aren’t getting enough sales, and are failing. Is this assessment true? See if you can ground it with real facts (not assessments), chances are you can’t. Then mine for gold again, look for evidence that supports you being successful as an entrepreneur. Someone new commented on your latest Instagram post with something positive, you got a sale from a complete stranger, you got a new subscriber on your list. This is all evidence of your success, that is what you get to focus on, because as you may know, what you focus on expands.
Now my girl Caitlin suggests taking it one step further, and I absolutely love this. She suggests keeping a record of all these little things that point to your success, so you can recognise all the things that are working. Taking this action diverts your focus away from feeling like you aren’t good enough. It brings you back to the proof, allowing you to really focus on what is actually happening (rather than unworthiness), and you have a record of it that you can review whenever you need a boost.
The more you do this and stay present to what is actually happening, rather than your fears, the more you will notice the successes you are having in the relevant domain of your life. This can be so reassuring and help you realise that you are good enough.
If you need support with this, I am a certified Ontological Life Coach and I can help you work through this. Sign up for my Soul Discovery Package now, or book your free 30 minute chat with me, to see if we are a good fit for coaching. You can find out more here.
Let me know in the comments how this blog post has helped you. Let’s keep the conversation going.