I Choose Love

Today I choose love.  My mantra: I am ready to learn through love.

Ironically I woke up and forgot it was Valentine’s Day but love has been weighing on my heart lately. It’s not that there’s a lack of love in my life, there’s an abundance of it.  I am blessed to live in the cliche of the amazing man and we have the most gorgeous soul K-man as our son.  I am so grateful he chose up to be his parents.  My  Rowan is what every girl dreams of when they imagine their Prince Charming.  He is loving, attentive, driven, grounded, fun, handsome and the most hands-on natural father I have ever encountered.  He is our family’s sentinel.  Spending time together as a family is a priority for all of us.  Rowan and I are connected on an energetic level.  When I was pregnant he experienced my symptoms.  If one of us living in a lower vibration, both of us are.  Synchronicity.  It’s a beautiful (although sometimes frustrating) thing and whilst our journey together has been a rollercoaster, no matter what upheavals we face we are always in synergy.

Today love has a deeper meaning for me.  Lately, as I deepen my commitment to my higher self through meditation I have discovered layer upon layer of bitterness.  Deep within is an anger that I have pretended not to notice.  I used to be a really negative person, I complained consistently and had the mentality of why me.  My overarching mantra was I can’t, until 6 years ago I discovered a better way.  I’ve put a lot of time and effort into my mindset and focusing on gratitude but I’m human, I slip up all the time and lately, I have noticed I have not been letting love lead.

I have been holding onto resentment from years ago.  High school, my adoption (interestingly it’s my birth mother’s birthday today), the rifts with certain family members, the victim mentality I clung to for years, they are all still sitting there at some level,  and even now the tiniest things trigger me.  I am at a massive crossroads in my life, discovering what my true passion is, and how I can truly serve my purpose for the highest good.  How I can help you!  As I dig into this and unlock wonderful epiphanies, I am also unleashing a darkness.  I’ve never taken the time to look at it fully, without judgment, I’ve let it rise up and dominate my way of being.

Today is a new day.  A day that represents love for the masses.  Today I am focusing on self-awareness.  Noticing what comes up for me.  Is it serving me?  What would be more helpful?  I am ready to learn through love.

So on this heart-filled day, I’m asking you to look within.  What is your truth?  If you are holding onto some emotions that aren’t lifting you up maybe you can investigate.

Here are a few simple steps:

  1.  Uncover the feelings you hold deep within.  Take a look at them, what emotions come up for you, anger, resentment, sadness, envy, frustration?
  2. Ask yourself, are these emotions serving me?  Well, are they?  Is worrying about money really changing anything?  How is that anger at your partner for that thing they did or didn’t do working for you?
  3. What would be more helpful?  What would happen if you just chose to let it go?  Right now take a deep breath and let it go.  In this moment what alternative emotion could you choose?  Peace, happiness, love, Love, LOVE?

I know that I am not going to score 10/10 on the love scale every day. In fact there will definitely be days at around the 2 mark, but right now I am committing to myself that I am ready to learn through love.  In each moment where the fear or resentment creeps in, I am going to pay attention to my monkey mind, I’m not going to fight it, I’m going to hold space for it, and then (and only then), I am going to let it go and choose love instead.

Namaste.

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