HOW TO FIND YOUR PURPOSE WHEN YOU FEEL PASSIONLESS
You see all these posts on social media telling you to quit your job, and start chasing your dreams. This sounds great in theory but you don’t have a clue what you could possibly do and you feel like you have no real talent for anything.
Oh, I hear you. That was me. I felt so lost and confused. Sure, I like to write, but am I really passionate about it? I love dancing but I definitely not making a career out of that, are you kidding?
This was what I kept telling myself. I made up all these assessments about what I couldn’t do, and in creating these assessments I defined my purpose by my limiting beliefs.
Here’s the thing, you don’t have to know your passion right now, you don’t any have to have any so-called skills, it’s all societal programming and none of it is true.
I created assessments that I was average, and I lived from these for most of my life, playing small because I felt like a part of the invisible middle.
Every single human has a unique gift: YOU. Who you are is unique, there is nobody like you and that is your power and your medicine.
It sounds convoluted, even airy-fairy but it’s not (and I love the air and the fairies). Only you can sell you, you are your unique brand, and showing up fully as your authentic self is a power that nobody has. If you feel like you are weird own it, but don’t let your stories get in your way.
I’m going to break this down for you into three parts: Assessments, Curiosity, and Commitment
In my ontological training at Newfield Institute, I was taught about the concept of assessments and how to work with them.
Assessments are the stories we make up about the qualities of someone or something. In the ontological approach of coaching, assessments are our judgments or opinions. We are all born into a world of pre-existing facts, and we learn how to label it. The labels we make are our assessments. We are masters at making assessments about others, and about ourselves.
Examples of assessments could be:
I am not a good writer.
I could never start a successful business.
I don’t have any skills.
I’m not pretty enough to do live videos.
She is so much prettier than me.
It is easy to believe our assessments. To view them as true assertions, or facts. The thing is assessments are never true or false, they are grounded or not grounded. In a nutshell, this means that if an assessment is not grounded there are no facts to support it. It is all based on our perception. It’s the meaning we’ve created about something in our head.
In fact, so often, I witness clients falling prey to their own stories and feeling stuck, but we can shift this. We get to take responsibility for our assessments by being mindful of how we use them.
Notice the assessments you are making. Are they useful?
We often make negative assessments about ourselves. When these fleeting thoughts stick and become limiting beliefs they can be detrimental to our lives. They can significantly impact how we see ourselves, which in turn makes us doubt ourselves and float in inaction. To think we don’t share our gifts because of our own self-judgment is scary. It breaks my heart to think that you could be holding your wisdom from the world because you don’t believe you can. The thing is you can, detach consciously from your assessments and really look at them. Notice what you are telling yourself, would you dare say that to anyone else? If no, then you get to let your self-assessments go and reframe with new ones. Create new stories about yourself. Catch yourself whenever you lean into a negative assessment and replace with a positive one.
Yes, you get to rewrite your story, write down three positive affirmations right now that you can tell yourself in the mirror every day.
I am a great writer.
I can start a successful business and I am doing it now.
I have a lot of valuable skills that the world is asking to see.
I am beautiful and have medicine to share through live videos.
Once you start looking at your assessments and reframe them with positive affirmations you can start to get curious about the possibilities that are out there for you.
Get curious about yourself. What are your top 5 values? When you know these you can really connect in with what is important to you. Values could include freedom, travel, spirituality, growth, joy, love, creativity, and so on. Pinpointing these means you can take inspired action that leads you to feeling emotions that directly align with these values.
I used to feel so confused and overwhelmed by “finding my purpose” because I felt like I didn’t have a real passion. It wasn’t until I got curious that I really started to rediscover passion in my life. I invite you to look at what you loved doing as a child. What lit you up? Do you ever do those things now? If not, could you? If you do, could you create a business idea out of it?
Just start to play, rediscover the childhood things you did that allowed you to play. Bring awareness to ideas you have and write them down even if they seem illogical.
Explore your creativity, if you are curious about something lean into it. Maybe you like the idea of a pottery class, go do it, lean into the curiosity and keep leaning in, you might find something isn’t for you, but you also may discover that it lights you up completely, and it could be your passionate purpose. Remember, what you focus on expands.
Think you aren’t creative? I highly recommend you read The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. This book changed the game for me, it will open you up to creativity with six weeks of exploration into your creative self, including prompts and exercises to support you. It’s the kind of book that could help you realise you are a writer after all, and it will make you realise that you are a creative being, and in fact, we all are. You can grab it here. (Aussie’s get it here)
Being curious is gentle, it is playful, It is about looking at things with wonder, that childlike sense of possibility. It creates the space for you to be able to change your mind, but it also sets you up for the ability to march onwards with ambition and achieve great success. It is the doorway to alignment. It allows you to see what is resonant for you and take it or leave it.
Your commitment is like gold. How can you commit to something when you don’t even know what it is? You commit to yourself.
You are everything you have been looking for. You know you want to play in your passions and discover your purpose. Ultimately you are your purpose. It’s not even about what you do, it’s about who you are, being you is your purpose. So, committing to you means you are committing to leaning into curiosity, play, creativity. Committing to you is about bringing awareness to your assessments and shifting your old stories.
You are the creator of your life, but if you really want to find your purpose then your commitment to yourself is key. It means moving out of your comfort zone and dancing in spaces that may be unfamiliar. It’s about committing to getting back up on the days when you want to throw in the towel. It’s about persistence, because you may not discover your meaningful work overnight, it could be completely by accident and it could be the profound realisation that your purpose is to be the best mama out there. No matter happens, know it is all perfect. You are your purpose.
Whatever you discover on this journey, I am here for you, cheering you on at all times, let me know what you reveal on your journey in the comments below, or send me a message and tell me what you’re experiencing. I am here to support you.